I am in Northampton, MA at the moment realizing how all this time on the road is affecting me. Surreal takes on an entirely new meaning when 90% of your experiences are surreal. I am starting to look forward to doing stuff that has absolutely no "OH MY GOD!" factor, like deleting duplicate songs on my itunes, or doing laundry. TV doesn't do it for me at the moment. The more exciting my life gets, the more boring TV gets...and life has never been more exciting. For example..no idea where I am sleeping tonight. I am thinking a rest stop, who knows. I have been on the road long enough where I have to be really careful about money, and if I really want to finish this, then I am going to have to change my approach. I am in an Internet Cafe at the moment. It is so nice to sit in a normal frou frou eatery and get a regular meal and dessert while I catch up on my blogging, emails, journaling, and staying in touch with people. I had a great visit with Steve, and I have a new role-model meeting his wife, Diana. She is one of those people that excels in just about every area that impresses me the most these days. She has it more "together" than 99% of the people I know, yet she is very interesting. How do people do that? I always thought a certain level of flakiness was a necessary side effect, and price, for being creative...then there was Diana.
I am really craving normalcy after having a month long version of "This is your life", and this cafe really hits the spot. I need to pick between two things that costs money that makes me feel like a "normal" person. So, tonight it is either get whatever you want at the creme puff cafe, or get a motel. Oh, the adventures of being me right now. Today, I chose the crepes and cheesecake. Dan is putting me up tomorrow and Sunday in Rochester, NY...then I am off to see Pete for a night or perhaps two. Then, I am headed back to NY to see Kayanne and Marissa and hopefully many other people that I haven't been able to see quite yet. It is so hard to coordinate all of this stuff. There are too many people and moving parts for me to get all the details planned "just right", but I like to think that it is working out just right. I can keep saying that as long as I don't run out of money!! Ha, ha, ha. I think as long as I eventually finish this, then I did it just right. For someone who can't even keep track of her phone or her pants, it is a tall order for me to keep track of all the people, cities, emails, phone calls, blogs, journals, oil changes and financial details. So, I gotta just learn to laugh and trust a little more because perfection just isn't going to happen.
Oh yes, my visit with Steve and Diana. I haven't seen Steve since hmmm...18 years ago? Our friendship was very important to me in High School. I was cliqueless until I met Steve in my freshman or Sophomore year. Who knows how cliques form exactly, but he remembers me being one of the first girls to hang out with his gang of guy friends...and the gender mix stirred the clique stick... and before long, we had an official artsy/geeky/punk/hippy/freak social scene going on. Who knows how that played out exactly...the last thing you have in High School is perspective...but I was definitely there in the beginning of our strange dynasty. I had no social equity to speak of, but I had timing. That clique went on for grades and grades and broke off into sub-cliques of varying prestige.
It's funny to think there was ever a catch-all alternative clique. I would imagine cliques are a lot more specialized now that "alternative culture" is so mainstream. We thought we were the sh** back then...go " non conformity". The only common denominator was that we all wanted an identity that rejected mainstream culture. So, we had it all.... new wave people, geeky people, hipster people, artist people, skater people, punk rock people, gay people, political people, vegetarian people, hippy people, uptight people, slutty people, and many crossovers. We were like the hometown buffet of alternative 80s culture in suburban New York.
It was so interesting to talk to Steve about our impressions of all that, now that we are adults. It was quite uncomfortable and fascinating to revisit those awkward teenage years. I only stayed with Steve for two nights. Yet, I was able to identify the exact moment I developed several neurotic behaviors that haunt me to this very day. I toyed with the idea of going to a local Analyst and bringing Steve into my sessions to help with all the traumatic details of my High School experience. Oh, the possibilities....for now, I have my journals and my cat who is an outstanding listener, and talks only a little bit more than an actual therapist. Self actualization, here I come.
