I finally came out of the hole that I crawled into to get away from human-kind for a few days. It is so ironic to be on a trip designed to open myself up to people and to want nothing more than to never see another person again. There is a big button that gets pushed when you realize that someone closest to you (be it a friend, family member, spouse) doesn't necessary want what is best for you. This is a fairly common thing, and I believe it is why so many relationships do not stand the test of time. When growth is part of the equation for one or both of the people in the relationship, it takes some role adjusting and ego overlooking for the relationship to survive. Sadly, as much as some people love us, they don't think they will have enough to offer if we grow and our needs change.
It is tough, a parent's job is ultimately to make the child strong enough to not be dependent on the parent, a teacher's job is to pave the way for intellectual autonomy in the student. Apart from the functional roles of parenting and teaching, there is a relationship that can be enhanced by the growth of the child or student. Still, there are far too many sabotaging parents, and ego-focused teachers who worry that they will become obsolete if their counterpart grows. On that note, there are far too many spouses who are less than joyful when their partner gets a career accolade, and there are far too many friends who are less than happy to watch their friends overcome obstacles. There are so many bad movies about this subject, and yes, it is cliche, but it still hurts a lot to realize that someone you love wants to keep you in your "place", or keep you down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, fear of abandonment, whatever...there is no excuse for it. Growth can be lonely at times.
Well...off of my soap box for me. Time to move on to happier subjects. I had a great time hanging out with Debbie a few days ago. I met Debbie in High School, she was a friend of our mutual friend, Mary, more than she was my friend, but I always liked Debbie. Her big, warm eyes and friendly smile were always so welcoming. It is funny, but among the normal kids, I don't remember many people smiling in High School. Then again, I hung out with the artsy crowd...unless you were making an ironic joke, smiling was largely social suicide in my circles. That's probably why I didn't hang out with Debbie much in High School...I was way too serious.
I was so happy to see Debbie still had that brightness to her. Debbie always stood out to me because she was clearly a nice person, and I was glad to see that she still was. It is funny, she is always someone I wanted to hang out with in High School and never did...and here I was, twenty years later, hanging out with her in her home for about five hours. We were having a great time talking about everything from hilarious bad dates back in the day, to the challenges we are dealing with in our lives right now. Debbie has a refreshing and uncommon ability to instill a feeling of trust, respect and acceptance, and it made my guard go down in record time. She was a teacher for a while, but is looking to do something else after her own kids get a little older and she returns to work or school. All I know is she is uniquely qualified to do something completely amazing. I can't wait to see where she goes.
It was great timing for me to meet with Debbie on Thursday, because Thursday night was quite a challenge. The upside to being so sensitive about friendships going south is that I am also very sensitive and upwardly inspired by friendship and kindness that comes unexpectedly. Thanks Debbie....xoxo By the way, if anyone in the New York area wants an adorable puppy...Deb's dog just had an unplanned litter and these pups are 100% irresistablely cute...post a comment, or send me an email if you want more information.
